


Quiet Thoughts

by kleineelch



Series: Bits and Pieces of the Inquisition [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Pre-Relationship, another post Haven fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3107033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kleineelch/pseuds/kleineelch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the separation of the Inquisitor and Cullen around the events at Haven and the things that were never said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> A small piece on what could have taken place between the Herald and Commander as the events of Haven took place. Aside from using the name of my own Inquisitor, I tried to keep them vague enough. Let me know what you think here or on tumblr (musicaljinx). Enjoy!

Roisin was quite surprised at how calm she felt when she realized _this is how we die_.

 

The light snow that was beginning to fall over Haven was contrasted by the shouts and screams of people desperate to escape the oncoming march of the Red Templars. Everyone she knew was doing their best to move the wounded and infirm into the Chantry, The Iron Bull even lifting up a cart of one merchant to expedite them along.  Roisin went through the motions, talking to her advisors, attempting to find a plan, any plan, to get them out alive.

 

The boy that had warned them of the approaching army, giving them a shred of a chance, brought forth the Chancellor, who spoke of a way out. All of a sudden, Roisin no longer thought _this is how we die_ , but _this is how **I** die_. Explaining how she would cover their escape brought much louder protests than she expected.

 

"Herald, we need you to come with us." Liliana was pleading. "You are the face of hope to these people, and without you-"

 

"Without you the Inquisition would surely fall." Commander Cullen looked at her, the intensity in his eyes spoke of something more than just conviction to the cause. "I will not allow this."

 

"Well I'd like to see you stop me." Roisin pulled herself up, ignoring the fatigue already settling in her bones. "I may not survive, but I will be damned if everyone else dies in this forsaken place."

 

Cullen looked like he wanted to argue little but Roisin spun around before he could say anything and made for the door. "Bull, Varric, Solas, with me." She barked. A gauntleted hand fell on her shoulder and pulled her back.

 

"Herald, listen to me." Cullen hissed, and Roisin wondered for a moment if she could knock him out in order to escape. "The troops are trained, they can take these orders and carry them out. There is no reason to play the hero."

 

It took a moment for her to understand just what he had said. Longer still, in time they should not have been wasting, to notice the slight tremor in her commanders hand. He was just as terrified as she was. It gave Roisin some comfort, strange as it was. "Commander, those good men are needed with you. You are the one they will follow, not me. Not really." She talked quickly, taking notice of her friends out of the corner of her eye. "I am giving everyone a chance, and I want you to understand that I am not the only one who carries this Inquisition. Now," she pulled away, letting his now limp hand fall back to his side, "You lead them out of here, and I," Roisin tried to sound more confident than she felt, "I will go bury these bastards."

 

She saw Cullen's hand twitch, reaching forward to her again before it clenched into a fist. "As you command Your Worship." He said, voice stiff. Roisin tried to smile at him, but she knew it did little to comfort. They stood looking at each other for another moment before a cough broke their trance.

 

"If you're not going to kiss her Commander, we need to be off." Varric said in a nonchalant way, though the effect of his words repulsed them in different directions. Cullen immediately began shouting orders, while Roisin sighed and turned to the three of them.

 

"Let's go."

 

\---

 

"Fuck." Cassandra swore, startling all who were near. They had just found a place to camp after watching a mountain fall on the village they had called home, and now they had time to catch their breath. Time the Seeker wasted no time filling with an incredible amount of rage and frustration. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

 

"I didn't know you had it in you Seeker." Varric said, none of his usual teasing apparent

 

"What do we do now?" She wheeled on the dwarf. "Tell me Varric, you saw what happened in Haven, _when you left the Inquisitor to die_."

 

"Oh, are you pinning this on me now? Another entry in why Varric Tethras is the one who destroyed the world?" Now he was shouting back. "Roisin told us to run, I watched that...dragon thing arrive and the so called “Elder One” start talking and then we were out of sight. If you think I left her because I wanted to-"

 

"Enough!" Cullen yelled, grabbing onto Cassandra so she didn't throw the dwarf off the nearest cliff. "We will figure this out, _calmly_ , after you get some sleep. Are we clear Seeker?" Cassandra glared and shoved off his hand, but made no movement towards Varric, instead stalking back towards her tent. "You too Varric. I’d like to talk with you about this new threat sooner rather than later." He softened his voice, and the dwarf shrugged.

 

"I take it you won't follow your own advice, Commander and get some sleep?" Varric asked as he passed Cullen on his way to the tents.

 

Cullen let out a huff of a laugh and shook his head. "Someone has to stand guard, and the men deserved a break." He drew the mantle of his cloak closer, burying his face in the fur trim to dampen the wind that whipped through the pass. Varric muttered something, but Cullen couldn't make it out, and he left, feet dragging through the snow. Turning to face where Haven had once stood, Cullen stood, waiting, watching.

 

"She wasn't afraid." A soft voice at his side startled him, and the pale boy Cullen vaguely noticed from before was crouched next to him. _How long had they been there?_ "Tired, trembling, but never afraid."

 

"What are you-"

 

"There was a lot she had to say. Say to you. She couldn't say it though. Sadness. Secrets and sadness, struggling to say...Sorry" The boy sighed.

 

Cullen couldn't keep up with the rapid fire way of speech, nor was he still over the sudden appearance of this stranger. He could not think of any way to reply, so he listened, waiting for the boy to speak again.

 

"You agree too." The boy stood and looked up into Cullen's eyes, freezing him more than the snow that was billowing around them. "Words you never said. Words you should have said. Should have been stronger. She knows, though, how strong you are. How strong you can be. How kind you can be. That, that is what scares her."

 

"You said she wasn't afraid though." Cullen said in a low voice. The boy shrugged.

 

"You can be afraid of one thing and not another." He dropped back onto his heels and looked out into the swirling snow.

 

"Who... What are you?" Cullen followed his gaze out. It was hard to tell, but he almost thought he saw something stir.

 

"You wouldn't remember if I told you." The voice seemed to fade away on a breeze. Cullen was left standing, alone, starting at what seemed to be something picking it's way to the camp. He began to pull his sword from his scabbard before he noticed the crackle of light at the shapes side.

 

' _Maker's breath_.' Cullen took a step forward to make out the shape better and let out a yell as he realized it was the Herald taking slow, cautious steps towards the camp. At his shout, the camp behind him roared to life. The figure stumbled, and Cullen ran forward, signaling to anyone who was listening that _It's her_!

 

"Come on Herald...Stay with us, Roisin." he growled out as he made his way through the snow drifts to her prone form. He heard the sounds of others coming up behind him, calling out her name as well. When he reached her, Cullen fell to a knee and scrambled to prop her up.

 

"She's alive." Cassandra was in awe as she joined Cullen on the wet ground, feeling for a pulse through the frozen skin "I...I can't believe it."

 

Before Cullen had a chance to do anything, Cassandra had scooped up the elf as if she weighed nothing and began to run back through the drifts. He stayed on the ground, watching the back of the Seeker as she retreated to the camp with all haste.

 

"Well Commander, you missed your chance there again." Varric had arrived and was patting Cullen on the shoulder as the commander made his way to his feet. "Ladies love to be swept off their feet."

 

"Varric." Cullen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as they made their way back. "Give it a rest."

 

"I'll give it a rest when you stop mooning over her. I mean, it's pretty funny for us, but-"

 

"Goodnight Varric." Cullen grumbled as he went towards the tent that was serving as the medical wing. Before he entered, Cullen paused, the words of Varric and...someone floating through his head. ' _What if I..._ '

 

Cullen rubbed at his temples and shook his head. No, now was not the time. There were more important things than some feelings he may harbor for the Herald. He entered the tent, resolved to push this little...problem out of his mind.


End file.
